I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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