Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
