He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So much rum. So many feels.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
