Please, let me fuck your mom
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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