a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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