I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
