This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
