Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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