I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
