I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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