Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize