dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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