Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
