batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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