All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
