I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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