Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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