I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize