If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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