i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
