We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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