idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
