capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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