Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
