Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
