I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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