I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
