I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize