I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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