My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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