the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
