it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
