so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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