Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
