I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
