You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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