when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
MIDGETS
????
You're breaking my sexual little heart
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
