Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I want to fling myself into the sun
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
