Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
