her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Did you just see the Batmobile???
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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