I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
