I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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