Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
