You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
