If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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