i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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