So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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