I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
