dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
