Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
