A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
its liver damage thursday
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
