Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
