a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
