Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
