Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
