Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize