Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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