Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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