I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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