Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize