i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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