I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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