based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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