the day after is always just damage control
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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