I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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