No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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