If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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