You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
