Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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